Published originally in 2002, Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High is the accumulation of over 25 years of research by the authors. Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan and Al Switzler all contributed to the formation of this book.
What is Crucial Conversations
This is the first chapter in the book, and explains to us the basic principles of not just the theory, but what defines a crucial conversation – "when stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions start to run strong." (p. 3)
There's no difference between work, home or anything in between; just that the conversation is on a subject that is important to the individuals, and should be handled with the final outcome in mind rather than reactions to emotions. In short, negotiations are on a more personal level – and at a time when the situation seems tense – and most likely without much prior warning.
The book briefly touches on the varying kinds of responses or communications, such as silence to very intense topics or subjects; or sarcasm to express disappointment and other negative feelings. Positive responses are outlined for almost every situation, along with other possible responses by participants.
Hands on Approach
More important though, is that the book does have a hands-on approach. Chapter 4: Learn To Look is devoted to helping you figure out your reaction to stress – or "your style under stress" (p. 56).Many of the other chapters not only encourage you to answer particular questions, but even provide space for your thoughts. A final chapter helps with very difficult situations – with different ways to approach/what to say in these situations (such as harassment).
Overall, the book's tone is easy reading. Examples used at the beginning are brought back as the principles are expanded, giving the reader an anchor.
Points To Ponder
Unfortunately, while the team alludes to their 25 years of research, there is no explanation of that research in the book nor the credits. It would make the book more authentic to know where the situations did come from, or the initial research – rather than a blanket statement.
The examples are generally good, and both positive and negative responses proposed. However, in the difficult situations chapter, there is a bit too much on the idea of respect for the other person. Granted, having and showing respect for others is a must in any communication, but the point is that most difficult and sensitive situations happen because there is no reciprocal communication or respect – especially in sexual harassment or power struggles with bosses. The standard "go to your HR department" no longer cuts it as the final solution – and it was disappointing to read this. Not all situations can be handled just with conversation or negotiation, as the chapter tries to imply.
Bottom Line
Crucial Conversations uses anecdotal situations to explain how to use its basic principles of communication and negotiation. Filled with how-to situations and self-tests to determine personal style, it's an easy to read book with some solid ways of working with yourself and others in critical issues.
Reference:
Patterson, K., Grenny, J., McMillan, R. and Switzler, A. Crucial Conversations:Tools for Talking when Stakes are High. New York, N.Y.: McGraw Hill., 2002.
Book courtesy of FSB Associates
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