A reader asks for advice on dealing with a problem co-worker. Sometimes it's all about how you handle the situation rather than the situation itself.
Co-Worker Purposely Creates Negative Attention
Q. Please help. I'm having trouble with someone I work with. She is moody, but I can put up with that. It's when she asks me questions, I'll answer, then out of the blue she'll loudly say "SHHHH! - that could be offensive to someone". There's no way to predict when she will do this. Nor does her logic of what could be offensive to someone make sense. For example, she asked what I like/don't like on pizza (we serve pizza here as it is a party place for kids/parents - and order to whatever we are asked to do). I mentioned some items and said that I wasn't too particular on mushrooms. And then she did her "offensive thing". Ok, so maybe she means I am not supposed to say what I don't like. Then we had clients ask for a Kosher pizza as some of the people coming needed that, which is not a problem. This coworker did not ask my religious affiliation, but asked if I kept Kosher, and without saying what religious persuasion I am, I answered "no, I don't keep Kosher" - and she did her SHHHH! thing again. She's sorta my supervisor in that she has been working here longer, and does get to tell me what to do and handles the greetings of the clients (in fact she races to get there). This is only a part time job for me as I am finishing my University degree. She also constantly questions me about my school and says she is thinking about going back to school (she's 25 and works here and at a restaurant to pay her rent) and keeps asking me if I think she'd be good in People Management (NOT!). Suggestions?
Use a Code Phrase To Avoid Negative Attention
A. I gather you feel it would be rude not to answer her questions directly. So here's a suggestion - talk to her beforehand, and say that the two of you need to come up with a better way of handling any potential "offensive" remarks; that saying "SHH!" seems to draw more attention to the problem than deflect it.
Ask her if she could think of another phrase, such as "that's a pretty coat" to alert the other person of a potentially offensive remark. You're right that it is not the remark, and that she is purposely trying to draw negative attention to you.
There is probably some jealousy involved as well, as you are trying to get ahead in your life by education, whereas she is working two jobs to pay her rent. By using a code sentence or phrase you are tactfully telling her that SHH! is not appropriate, yet still giving her control by choosing the code.
**Note - all letters are reprinted as received (typos and grammatical) but names and other identifying details are deleted.
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Copyright Sept. 29, 2008. Paym Bergson and Suite 101. All rights reserved. Any unauthorized use of this material will constitute an infringement of copyright.
